I feel the same way! I feel this the most when I log a shitty movie I enjoyed on letterboxd and it’s filled with 1-2 stars criticizing the movie I ENJOYED. When I see those, I initially feel compelled to reduce my first 4 star review but end up feeling like betraying what I felt for an invisible audience so I delete my first review and start a new one with “idgaf what yall say about this i enjoyed it”
"We’ve all been taught that the internet is fake - everyone’s curating an aesthetic feed, it’s a highlight reel, the photos are edited. But I didn’t realise that everyone’s tastes and personas are just as faked for content too."
Whew, this whole piece hit so close to home. I'm getting so tired of people (girls, especially!!) being defined by what they consume instead of who they are. Intellectual it girls, girls girls, nyc fashion girlies, tomato girls (still have no clue what this means)... it's all too much!!
What they consume instead of who they are - that's such a good way to put it!! And yes, I see so much discourse around specifically an intellectual it girl, but it's really just everything - you have to be a persona not a personality.
I love this! Something I think about a lot: just because an "it girl" or celeb or influencer is doing something and I'm not, I can choose not to read that as an implicit criticism of myself. Who cares if everyone is reading Barthes these days? I couldn't make it past sentence one! It's super freeing to disconnect the actions of others from what I feel obliged to do. In reality, no one is MAKING me stay hip with the trends. It's a fake pressure I invent and apply to myself.
Something that helps with this is that I really don't follow "it girls" or influencers anymore. My insta is culled down to just people I know. Sometimes I feel fomo for not knowing about whatever trend is taking over everyone's feeds, but mostly, I live in self-imposed ignorance. I like clawing empowerment back into my own hands - it feels like a tangible, actionable way to navigate about the feelings you're describing.
yes! I carried around a joan didion for ages because I was 'supposed to like it' and once I snapped out of that moment I could actually enjoy her writing for what it was. I think the feeling may be indicative of a pressure to rebel against the influencer... maybe didion/babitz are just low hanging fruit when it comes to clear authentic characters to emulate
yess I happen to love the Austen I've read but I can't really stand any of the Bronte sisters from what I've read and the judgement??? like it's a book? who cares???
And theres a select amount of “in books” and I cant stand that. I went through a phase of following bookstagrams in hopes itd force me into a reading habit, but theyre really all the same, even the more “intellectual” ones. Before the coffee gets cold, bunny, tender is the flesh, stuff like that. Im so tiredddd
Recently I tried to read "To the Lighthouse" by Virginia Woolf because she's on of *those* authors and constantly referenced in other books and movies and shows and...it was f*cking awful. I couldn't get through 10 pages...and it's only 224! I'm sure I'm just not *smart* enough to understand the writing and nuance and blah blah but honestly if that's what I have to read to be perceived as smart I'm all set.
UGH Jane eyre is forever on my TBR list because EVERY female character in any book I read seems to reference it so I feel like I gotta see what the hype is about but DO I? Why? And not by any means disparaging people who do love these books, because I know there are many many who they speak to, who completely get them - but I come back to your point: we shouldn’t feel bad or less than because we don’t like them or get them (or maybe don’t even want to read them!!).
Yesss for ages I really thought I had to be missing something because everyone raves about classics but really - end of the day they're just books that have withstood the test of time. Other modern books have "things to say" too, and it's really just individual taste (not to mention a lot of classics have been given the title by white men)
i too am cursed to never know what anyone is talking about, always have been. you'd think growing up on the internet would make things a given but it never is, and even when you do know what people are talking about, it's never enough. all this hodgepodge of aesthetics that seem to cycle every year is exactly as you put it, exhausting.
i relate to a lot of these things and ahhh you put it so well! your frustration is tangible. i find that i do have a lot of interest in a specific book or film, but it's never the right book or film, i always end up feeling bad for not wanting to conform. it's such a weird time we're in lol
Ugh you worded this perfectly. The internet feels so judgmental nowadays when it comes to interests and hobbies which are supposed to be developed because of genuine.. well, interest. Sometimes, I find myself feeling insecure of my taste in movies or music, afraid that I'd come off as "basic" or someone with "Tiktok taste", but then I remember, why should I care so much if I genuinely like these things? It's not me that's being too "ordinary", it's those around me who are inauthentic and dare I say a bit pretentious haha
this is so true! we are too vast to be categorized into these robotic aesthetics- people have started to overlook deeper qualities in the pursuit of aesthetic value.
I feel the same way! I feel this the most when I log a shitty movie I enjoyed on letterboxd and it’s filled with 1-2 stars criticizing the movie I ENJOYED. When I see those, I initially feel compelled to reduce my first 4 star review but end up feeling like betraying what I felt for an invisible audience so I delete my first review and start a new one with “idgaf what yall say about this i enjoyed it”
"We’ve all been taught that the internet is fake - everyone’s curating an aesthetic feed, it’s a highlight reel, the photos are edited. But I didn’t realise that everyone’s tastes and personas are just as faked for content too."
Whew, this whole piece hit so close to home. I'm getting so tired of people (girls, especially!!) being defined by what they consume instead of who they are. Intellectual it girls, girls girls, nyc fashion girlies, tomato girls (still have no clue what this means)... it's all too much!!
What they consume instead of who they are - that's such a good way to put it!! And yes, I see so much discourse around specifically an intellectual it girl, but it's really just everything - you have to be a persona not a personality.
I love this! Something I think about a lot: just because an "it girl" or celeb or influencer is doing something and I'm not, I can choose not to read that as an implicit criticism of myself. Who cares if everyone is reading Barthes these days? I couldn't make it past sentence one! It's super freeing to disconnect the actions of others from what I feel obliged to do. In reality, no one is MAKING me stay hip with the trends. It's a fake pressure I invent and apply to myself.
Something that helps with this is that I really don't follow "it girls" or influencers anymore. My insta is culled down to just people I know. Sometimes I feel fomo for not knowing about whatever trend is taking over everyone's feeds, but mostly, I live in self-imposed ignorance. I like clawing empowerment back into my own hands - it feels like a tangible, actionable way to navigate about the feelings you're describing.
yes! I carried around a joan didion for ages because I was 'supposed to like it' and once I snapped out of that moment I could actually enjoy her writing for what it was. I think the feeling may be indicative of a pressure to rebel against the influencer... maybe didion/babitz are just low hanging fruit when it comes to clear authentic characters to emulate
I’ve bought so many books with the idea that they are the types of books I ought to read, but let me come clean! I just do not like Austen!
yess I happen to love the Austen I've read but I can't really stand any of the Bronte sisters from what I've read and the judgement??? like it's a book? who cares???
And theres a select amount of “in books” and I cant stand that. I went through a phase of following bookstagrams in hopes itd force me into a reading habit, but theyre really all the same, even the more “intellectual” ones. Before the coffee gets cold, bunny, tender is the flesh, stuff like that. Im so tiredddd
I'm in my 30s and I still felt this.
Recently I tried to read "To the Lighthouse" by Virginia Woolf because she's on of *those* authors and constantly referenced in other books and movies and shows and...it was f*cking awful. I couldn't get through 10 pages...and it's only 224! I'm sure I'm just not *smart* enough to understand the writing and nuance and blah blah but honestly if that's what I have to read to be perceived as smart I'm all set.
Ugh yes I felt this with "Jane Eyre" - I honestly just didn't see why it was considered so incredible.
UGH Jane eyre is forever on my TBR list because EVERY female character in any book I read seems to reference it so I feel like I gotta see what the hype is about but DO I? Why? And not by any means disparaging people who do love these books, because I know there are many many who they speak to, who completely get them - but I come back to your point: we shouldn’t feel bad or less than because we don’t like them or get them (or maybe don’t even want to read them!!).
Yesss for ages I really thought I had to be missing something because everyone raves about classics but really - end of the day they're just books that have withstood the test of time. Other modern books have "things to say" too, and it's really just individual taste (not to mention a lot of classics have been given the title by white men)
i too am cursed to never know what anyone is talking about, always have been. you'd think growing up on the internet would make things a given but it never is, and even when you do know what people are talking about, it's never enough. all this hodgepodge of aesthetics that seem to cycle every year is exactly as you put it, exhausting.
i relate to a lot of these things and ahhh you put it so well! your frustration is tangible. i find that i do have a lot of interest in a specific book or film, but it's never the right book or film, i always end up feeling bad for not wanting to conform. it's such a weird time we're in lol
Loved this
Never pretend, lets be stupid together
Ugh you worded this perfectly. The internet feels so judgmental nowadays when it comes to interests and hobbies which are supposed to be developed because of genuine.. well, interest. Sometimes, I find myself feeling insecure of my taste in movies or music, afraid that I'd come off as "basic" or someone with "Tiktok taste", but then I remember, why should I care so much if I genuinely like these things? It's not me that's being too "ordinary", it's those around me who are inauthentic and dare I say a bit pretentious haha
might be one of the best things i've read today thank you for this xx
lovely read! feeling seen :)
Watching so many “it girls” do the exact same things has been tiring to say the least. We get it, you like Dideon! Or at least you know of her…
Love this.
this is so true! we are too vast to be categorized into these robotic aesthetics- people have started to overlook deeper qualities in the pursuit of aesthetic value.
100% relatable. 100% feels.
this is so frustratingly true. also i need to know what the secret history joke was.
oh it was like...i was doing a risk assessment and panicking going "idk if i've put enough stuff on here what if someone falls off a cliff and dies"
and a girl on the other side of the room went "this isn't the secret history you'll be fine"
if i'd have known what the joke was i think i would've calmed down lolll